


And So He Stops

by orphan_account



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Bad end, Drabble, Everything Hurts, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 13:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6807490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And then, Ludger thinks that there’s nothing he wants more than to stand face to face with his brother and to see him smile at him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So He Stops

Ludger thinks he wants to be exactly like his brother even though he’s nearly twenty years old. His brother still treats him like a child but there’s nothing Ludger wants more than to stand face to face with his brother as an equal. He thinks that he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted before. He thinks he wants that even if that means training every day until his hands are blistered and bloody. Even if it means forsaking his friends for more training. Even if it means forsaking the very life he holds dear, the peaceful, quiet life he lives with his brother. He thinks it will all be worth it, if, for just a fraction of a moment, he can stand on equal ground with his brother.

 

Ludger thinks he wants this, but that was before it all happened. And then, Ludger thinks that there’s nothing he wants more than to stand face to face with his brother and to see him smile at him again. He thinks that he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted before. Nothing has ever hurt him like this. What is his brother doing, where is he, is he safe? Ludger can only hazard a guess. Something he shouldn’t be, somewhere he shouldn’t be, who knows?

 

Ludger thinks he knows what’s going on, but again and again he’s proven wrong. He doesn’t know what to think. All of it is so confusing. All he has is his promise to Elle to keep him going. Every transformation is beyond painful. Ludger thinks that he never, ever wants to transform again. But he cannot stop. He must keep moving forward, for the sake of the promise he made to Elle, and so that he can see his brother again. 

 

Ludger thinks that he won’t ever see his brother again. He sees him again, after such a long time, but it is brief and not in any way what he had hoped for. Ludger thinks that, were there a universe where he had never met Elle, never fell into all of this mess, where his brother and him live that peaceful, quiet life that he would happily live there no matter what it took. He thinks that, for just a moment and then feels immeasurable guilt well up in his chest and nearly burst from his throat. He thinks that he cannot afford such selfish thoughts if he wants to see this through. But everything hurts so much and he’s only twenty years old.

 

Ludger thinks that, maybe his brother doesn’t love him as much as he loves his brother. But that sentiment is dashed quite quickly when he sees him yet again. He thinks that he has never, not once, seen raw, animal desperation his brother’s eyes like that ever before. It scares him. It scares him more than watching Elle writhe in agony on the beach as they are forced to do nothing but helplessly fight a monster that may or may not save her. But what scares him more than any of it is when his brother disappears again.

 

Ludger thinks that he isn’t worried, tells everyone he isn’t worried, but the emotion knots up in his chest until it’s hard to breath. Ludger thinks that if he can just sleep maybe it will all go away just for a few hours. When he sleeps, he has a recurring nightmare of his brother killing him. The nightmare plays on repeat in his mind, it keeps playing, over and over and over again until he can no longer sleep. 

 

Ludger thinks that nothing can get worse. But things can always get worse.

 

Ludger thinks that if given the choice between letting his brother die and destroying everything he's built, he would chose his brother in a heartbeat. He would chose that quiet, peaceful life with his brother over anything, he would chose any life with his over anything. Ludger thinks this but he never could have dreamed he would be forced to choose between his brother and his friends. Ludger pleads for his brother’s life. He cries and begs for another way and then there is a sword threatening his brothers life and he stops thinking altogether.

 

Ludger does not think as he cuts down every single one of his friends. Jude first, then Leia. Milla dies third. Rowen is next. Then, Elize and Alvin. Muzet dies without a fight. Gaius is last. Ludger does not stop to think even once of stopping as he thrusts his spear through the king's chest.

 

Ludger thinks that the only thing he has left in this world is his brother who will be dead sooner than not. Ludger thinks that so long as he has his brother everything will be okay. Ludger thinks that this is all he has ever wanted.

 

Julius smiles at Ludger and Ludger smiles back and Ludger thinks that he had finally achieved his goal of seeing his brother smile one more time.

 

There is nothing left for Ludger to think about.

  
And so he stops.

**Author's Note:**

> This game has left me emotionally wrekt :')  
> I say this, replaying it for the second time. :')))


End file.
